Club Geezer?

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smokem
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Club Geezer?

Post by smokem »

Subject: club geezer
From: GW22
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Date: Sun, Apr 18, 2010 - 10:58 AM ET
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Neil: That was a great comment!

Mike:

I published a complete self-help questionnaire a few months ago but the post got nasty and was deleted (CGs have trouble facing the truth).

First, Geezerhood actually has little to do with chronological age. It's more about attitude and hatrid. Some of my closest friends and mentors have been much older than me and were quite pleasant to be around, even after their shooting skills went south.

Anyway, please allow me to hit the high points of CG qualification for you:

1) You secretly begin to hate new shooters and dream-up "safety issues" and "ettiquette violations" to hassle them about (or, more likely, whine behind it their backs). Lying about hulls hitting you and people bumping into you coming off post 5 are typical symptoms. But you pretend, and constantly tell yourself, that you don't really hate young people and you think of nice things you did in the past to support this dilusional belief. You tell yourself that "It's all about safety."

2) Your shooting skills have begun to diminish and you can't handle it with class and dignity, or mentally cope with the reality that you are no longer among the club's studs. So, your daily thoughts and behaviors begin to turn nastier than the banana peel you left under the seat of your truck last month.

3) Your weiner has more trouble working than the average Obama supporter. And you simply can not handle it with grace. So, every time you observe a young male having fun it makes you think about the little problem in your underpants. This absolutely makes your blood boil. Taking Viagra can't help because: A) You're too proud and "manly" to try it; and B) Your disposition has become so nasty that your wife can't stand being around you anyway.

Regarding the official Club Geezer ceremony, the answer is YES! It's called the "Take Your Hate Down the Road Dismissal Party" and marks the point when club management finally decides to do the right thing and stay in business. It's not much fun for the CGs but everyone else has one of their best days at the club ever! I've chaired a couple of these parties and they are FUN, FUN, FUN!

In closing I have some good news: The medical community is close to announcing that CG will soon be recognized as a legitimate disease. But they are still investigating some statistical outliers to determine exactly what's causing it. Perhaps the most interesting oddity they've discovered is that being a retired union autoworker scientifically increases your odds of becoming a hate-consumed Club Geezer by a staggerring 653%! This baffles me. Can anyone else explain it?

-Gary
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